For weeks I have sought to find respite for my mind, a tranquility that seemed to be too far away to reach. Missing the times when we set off to explore, something I cannot take for granted anymore. Where would I find the little things that would seep into my mind and help to blow away the chaff that has caused me to revert into myself?
I closed my draft blog yesterday after trying the first paragraph but after another inspiring evening, wandering, slowly through our little forest, my heart focused once again on sharing the little things we discovered. If I could share the tranquility of silence, something denied to me when the noise of happenings around me sets me apart as my confidence drains and I no longer feel part of anything. The volume we experienced last night was from nature, the birds singing, the bees buzzing. Another aspect of what I will term volume was from colours and textures of the wild grasses. I stayed in the one place, filling my mind with the wildness of our little patch. The pink and green of the grasses, overflowed my mind and inspired me continually. I started to feel the creativity I had lost when I stopped using my journal. I still didn’t have the confidence to sketch as imposter’s syndrome is blinding me but I had to take photos. Nothing fancy as I haven’t been able to use my DSLR but with my iPhone I captured the little things which have given me hope as I was allowed to care without judgement. Nature welcomed me, respecting my silence as I listened to the voices of nature, soothing my mind.
I won’t be adding knitting photos today but I will add a catch up at the end of this blog as one of my new projects has significance to nature’s textures and colour. The photos aren’t up to top notch standard and the fly wound’t be one everyone would think of sharing but his colours and the tiny details really were special to my eye. I wish I had taken photos of the green march! I am not even sure if anyone would be able to see the caterpillar like ‘gummy’ luminous green brigade that we spotted along a wooden railing, crossing the bridge and then found a party of them on a metal rope pillar. Some were so tiny, yet they all moved along and only they knew where they were going as we couldn’t work out what they would eat and why there were so many. A few people passed as we watched after we crossed the bridge but they were so busy chatting or checking their phones they didn’t see this vivid line of marching green caterpillars.
Dad was cutting the grass the other day and came in with a little ladybird walking along his arm. I will keep the photo in our journal, suffice to say I left dad a big pump of moisturiser so next time his arm will look much better for a photo! We have been enjoying finding ‘our treasures’ and always add to our ladybird count if we can see even one. we saw one last night and I can only relate in words the two I spotted on another evening. MY little finger nail was huge beside them. One was so tiny I am still trying to comprehend how those little spots fitted on his shell. Such a privilege to even see them and store them in my memory bank.
The gallery of photos will show our little things and how little things mean so much.
To find a small patch of wild flowers was like heaven to me. I could have stayed in the one place, filling my mind with the intricate details all around. I love daisies and the part of this wild patch had the large daisy type flowers. I have taken a photo of the back of one to show the geometry of the detail. The buds are surround by this network (much better than any social networking) then when the daisy opened, the support at the back filled my heart with joy. I have always loved these but when my mind was troubled I noticed even more detail than I saw before. Imagine a child’s mind when they see a fairy, my mind saw a fairy, how did I see this? The delicate wings (hopefully the detail will come across on the reduced file size of the photos. A lacewing and yes, lace to inspire. It was barely visible, I just happened to see where it flew. My little fairy in nature with delicate wings to fly.
I can remember as a child, going to park which was hedged round with the green leave and little pink flowers. I still see this shrub today and recently this has been playing on my mind. The colours would be perfect for a project. Nature is really helping me to find my lost creativity if only I could express more in my written journal which I feel I wouldn’t justify right now. The pinks and purples of the grasses mixed with the green really have comforted me. Pink in particular is calming, nothing bold. I cannot face being seen or being bold but with delicate pink I could enjoy incorporating this in a new project. A friend from Ravelry had suggested a pattern to me a few weeks ago but I was hesitant to buy another book. A few weeks later I have the book and I am knitting the pattern as it brings together texture, colours and nature (bees) my honeycomb has been made from the nectar collected from the purple clover and wild orchids. I will be using a very pale shade of pink alongside grey.
The main happening that has prompted me to complete this blog today was dad’s adventure into our garnet this morning. Solving the mystery of a sound he has heard over a few months. He didn’t tell me as he knew a panic would have set in as there are some wee things that I would have to keep away from! A long story but another reason to stop and listen. Dad has his tape room (not knitting room) in the garden. The snuffles he heard were from a hedgehog (there might be two) he called me to look but really didn’t think he wold still be there. I saw the spines but little did I think our hedgehog would come out from the shrubs for a portrait! Immediately I thought another friend on Ravelry who told me about their resident hedgehog and now we have one. Dad keeps a pile of leaves, hoping they would move in under them but this one is under his shed/room. I don’t know what the hedgehog saw looking back at me as I was still half a sleep but this was one sight I wouldn’t have wanted to miss. Water supplies will be there for him and if we can stop neighbour’s cats from finding food then some cat food or biscuits to help supplement his food. Dad now realises when a man asked if we had a lot of slugs, we have a slug hoover that solves the mystery to the lack of slugs and dad’s ‘what is that sounds’
It is vital to feed with the correct food and only water (no milk!) as we may have more of a dry spell water and supplementary food are necessary at this time of year. If he is still with us in a few months we will do our best to make sure he builds up his body fat to let him hibernate safely. His photo may take a little time to download as I wanted to keep as much detail as possible
I am feeling very tired now and hope my ramblings have some element of sense to anyone reading my blog. I hope the photos collected on different evenings will inspire to stop and look. I have struggled to walk and dad has had to support me when exhaustion hits but even if my hands are cold and my leg is groaning in pain I have treasured our time together, even when both of walk in silence or just stop to look closer, we share our love of nature.
Nature holds out a caring hand, when my mind and life are full of pain. Networking with nature adds courage and reassurance to face my failures and find harmony. Our garden is full of little sparrows, occupying their terraces of homes; sharing noisily. Starlings pass by, twice a day to splash in the baths before heading home. There is a murmuration that gather not too far from here to swoop over the city each evening. Our Robins defend their part of the garden, the shrubs are preparing the berries for the backboards and thrushes to dine on in winter. We don’t have to add carbon miles when we garden for nature
Perhaps next blog I will share a photo of Windy which is now finished and ready to wear.
Thank you for reading Beverley